5 Ways Jesus Proved He Was Not a People Pleaser

Part 1  Matthew 12:1-50  

People pleasing is a common behavior of codependency.  At first, it might seem like a selfless act.  But it can easily be part of a destructive relationship pattern.  We are trying to control someone’s behavior toward us by acting in a certain way.  We are afraid to say no. 

It is related to the fear of man.  “The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.”  Proverbs 29:25. 

Jesus was not afraid to say no.   

In the next 3 weeks, we will look at 5 Bible scenes that I believe relate to the issue of codependency.  As a believer in the Word of God as the ultimate truth, I believe our solutions are found in Jesus’ words and actions.

Today we will look at the first one.

1. Jesus says no to his family. Matthew 12:1-50

“Here are my mother and brothers!  For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.”  Matthew 12:49b-50

 Jesus was doing the will of His Father in heaven, as he always did. 

 On this Sabbath day, he had walked through the fields with His disciples plucking grains of wheat.  The Pharisees balked at it and Jesus schooled them on the fact that the Sabbath was made for man (for him to have one day per week free from work), and therefore doing anything good on the Sabbath was not only acceptable but wise and godly.  Jesus took it from a law to a principle that shows God’s goodness to man. 

Then while in the temple, he healed a man with a deformed hand.  Jesus went out from there and healed many more people of their ailments including a demon-oppressed man who was blind and mute.

All the while, the Pharisees were watching and trying to spin it as if Jesus was doing evil.

This started Jesus teaching on the kingdom of God and the kingdom of Satan.  He explained what will happen in the judgement and who can be saved.  He continued to teach on many things, from our careless words to lessons from Jonah and the workings of demon possession. 

This is quite an intensive day of ministry for Jesus.  I think He had many days like this, full of encounters with those who needed to hear him.

In the middle of all this activity, the Bible says, “while he was still speaking to the people, behold, his mother and his brothers stood outside, asking to speak to him.”  Matthew 12:46   And Jesus replied, “Who is my mother and who are my brothers?”  Then pointing to those who came to hear Him, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers!  For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.” Matthew 12:48b-50. 

My first thought had always been:  How could Jesus ignore his family?  That doesn’t seem right.  But Jesus knew where his priorities lie.  He was not being rude.  His family was being rude.  Jesus was doing his Father’s will and He was in the middle of a sermon.  How would you feel if you were doing your job for your employer and someone told you your mother and brothers were outside and wanted to talk to you?  This was not an emergency or the message would have been different.  Or how would it be if while your pastor was preaching his sermon on Sunday morning, someone came up to him at the podium and said his family was here and wanted to speak with him?  Are you beginning to see it now?

There are certain times that should be sacred for us.  Some things we do we should not give up for anyone.  We should know that we are doing what we’re supposed to be doing.  There should be no doubt in our minds.

Something else that is evident here is that Jesus considered those who were willing to learn about God as His family.  Many times, we are criticized for being a “Jesus freak” because we spend so much time at church.  Our family may put us down for seemingly exerting more energy into our relationships with “church people” than we do with them.  I have felt that scorn myself and have felt guilty, yet I never thought God was telling me to spend less time at church or with other believers.  Jesus said those that were in the temple listening to His teaching were actually His real family.  No more guilt for me. 

 If you feel obligated to always stop what you’re doing and respond to a family member’s phone call, you are probably codependent.  Again, true emergencies are exempt from this.  It should be okay to call someone back when you are ready to communicate.  Emotionally healthy people know that is acceptable. 

Jesus was saying no to his family.  There are times when we should be saying no to ours.