2. Jesus says no to his best friends. Matthew 20:20-28, ESV
He said, “…to sit at My right hand and at my left is not mine to grant, but it is for those for whom it has been prepared by my Father.” Matthew 20:23b,c
The mother of Jesus’ closest disciples, James and John, got down on her knees before Him. When He saw her, He asked, “What do you want?” She answered, “Say that these two sons of mine are to sit, one at Your right side and one at Your left side, in Your kingdom.” Jesus said to her, “You do not know what you are asking.” Matthew 20:21-22a
Jesus said no to his best friends and their mother. Perhaps James or John conspired together to get their mother to beg for something they didn’t have the nerve to ask for: top spots in heaven. Or maybe it was all her idea. Either way her boys were right there next to her when she asked and we don’t hear any complaints from them. It’s sure, at the least, that James and John were all for it. No matter whose idea it was, the three of them seem a little too dependent on each other – codependent perhaps?
Even when the brothers promised they would endure anything with Him, Jesus didn’t waver. He told them He couldn’t give them what they wanted. That decision was reserved for His Heavenly Father.
Has anyone ever begged you for something? When they do, they make it hard to say no and they know it. Often our children or grandchildren ask us for something and we know it would not be beneficial. They might want dessert before dinner or money to spend to their harm. Although we want to help and make them happy, deep inside, we know it is wrong. James’ and John’s mom got down on her knees before Jesus. I’m sure He didn’t want to disappoint her or her sons.
But Jesus submitted to the will of Father God in all things. He had to say no to his best friends here on earth and their pleading mother. That takes strength, resolve and confidence that you are doing the right thing. When Jesus says they don’t understand what they are asking, and they insist they do, He quits trying to reason with them. If I may paraphrase, that’s when Jesus says, okay fine, but you know what, I’m not going to promise you something I can’t give. End of story. They couldn’t argue with that!
Especially when we struggle with codependency, people may ask fallacious things from us. They may beg; they may bring their big brother, mother, doctors, professors, bosses or lawyers. First, we may decide to reason with them, as Jesus did, but if that doesn’t work, then we must be strong and truthful, even blunt. They may rage, rationalize or try to shame us, but we have to know what God wants us to do and never waver. We can know the will of God through His Word and the inner workings of the Holy Spirit. Others can accept that, or not! It’s up to them.
I believe James, John and their mom ultimately accepted Jesus’ answer. If people truly care about us, they will accept our answers, too.
3. Jesus watches as the rich young ruler goes his own way. Mark 10:17–22 ESV
A rich, young man ran up to Jesus, knelt before Him and asked what he had to do to attain eternal life. Jesus told him since he knew the commandments, just do them. The young man answered, he had obeyed them all his life. Jesus, trying to get the man to acknowledge his sin, which all men have, said “… sell all that you have, give it to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me.” Mark 10:21b The young man just turned and walked away sad because he couldn’t part with his riches, even for God.
At first this young man was excited to ask Jesus an important question. Apparently he believed this rabbi had the truth about eternal life. If Jesus would just confirm to him that he was a moral man and pleasing to God, he would have the assurance of heaven after death. But the man lacked the admittance that everyone, including him, had sin in his life. Only Jesus, the perfect Son of God, was sinless.
Jesus asked the young man to do a difficult thing so he would become aware that he needed a Savior. But he treasured his riches more than God. If the young man had agreed and gave his possessions away and followed Jesus, his rewards, on earth and in heaven, would have greatly outweighed his sacrifice.
Perhaps Jesus would have stopped him from giving everything away at the last minute like the angel stopped Abraham from sacrificing his son, Isaac. We’ll never know that here on earth, but what we do know is that Jesus let the rich, young ruler walk away. He didn’t call him back and try to convince him that his surrender would be well worth the effort. Once the young man walked away despondent, Jesus used it as an object lesson for his disciples. (Mark 10:23-31)
As recovering codependents, we sometimes are so sure we have the answer to our loved ones’ problems, that we will do anything to bring them to reason. We’ll threaten, cajole, scream or attempt to do it for them, if they’ll let us. But this is not what Jesus did. He let the young man make his own decision and then moved on to reach those who were open to his message.
Let’s do the same as Jesus. Sometimes we have to let people walk away. We have told them the truth but they can’t accept it. They want to be our friend, but only on their terms. We want to give them a ride; they only want to borrow our car. We want to buy them lunch; they only want cash. We let them stay at our house for a week; they want to stay indefinitely.
We have to prayerfully consider what God wants us to do. Then we must obey. We are not the answer to everyone’s problems. Jesus is. He wants to be their Lord and Savior. Often we get in the way.
If we have done what God is asking us to do, then we have done our job, even if others don’t accept it. We may have to let them go like Jesus did. Let’s pray they reconsider and come back to the truth of God’s Word, knowing we were never the answer they were looking for anyway.
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