4. Jesus says not to swear an oath. Just say yes or no and mean it from Matthew 5:33-37 ESV

“But I say to you, do not take an oath at all…Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil.” Matt. 5:33a, 37

Jesus says not to promise anything because he knows human nature. If for some reason, you cannot or will not do what you said, it can cause pain and suffering to others and yourself.

Some people have promised their dying loved ones anything they wanted, only to realize later they couldn’t follow through. The feelings of guilt from that can be overwhelming.

My mom asked me to promise I would never put her in a nursing home. I understood what I’m telling you today and I did not make that oath. As lovingly as I could, I said, “I’m sorry, Mom. I can’t do that because I don’t know what’s going to happen in the future.” She wasn’t too happy, but she got over it.

As it turned out, about 20 years later, she developed dementia and soon forgot how to walk. When the money ran out for her home health care, we knew we had to apply to a residential facility with 24 hour nursing care. We considered a select few, but were praying she would get a room at the best home in our area which usually had a 2 year waiting list. After just 2 months, our dream facility called and said they had a room for mom! Miracle! Due to their professional team, she received better care there than she was getting at home!

If I had promised her and kept my vow, she would not have gotten the best care available. If I had promised her and not kept it, I would have felt guilty for the rest of my life.

Of course we can ask for and receive God’s forgiveness if we do not fulfill our vows, but Jesus is asking why should we put ourselves and our loved ones through that.

No, it is better to say a true yes or no rather than to promise unsure, under an emotional strain.
Sometimes promises are made for the wrong reasons. It might be to impress someone or to get out of an argument. Jesus is saying it is better not to promise or make a vow at all for any reason.

Our commitments should be taken seriously and if we suspect we cannot do it, we shouldn’t say yes.

In our codependent relationships, we often feel pressure to confirm that we will do a certain thing for others, only to find out later we may not be willing or able to follow through. Jesus said do not do this.

It is better to take the flack up front knowing you might not be able to do something, rather than to dishearten them downstream. Since they are going to be disappointed anyway, it is better to do so honestly right away. Don’t let anyone be able to call you a hypocrite.

“But let your communication be, Yea, yea; nay, nay:”of Matthew 5:37a KJV means first you say yes and then you fulfill it. And when you say no, you fulfill that, as when disciplining a child. You say no dessert today because you didn’t eat your dinner and then no matter what the child does, you follow through on that no.

It would cause us all less pain and anguish if we would just say what we mean to others without abashment, anger or sarcasm. Then everyone would know where we stand and we wouldn’t get into so much trouble with our words.

5. Jesus’ friends and neighbors are not impressed with His ministry from Matthew 13:53-58 ESV.

“And when Jesus had finished these parables, he went away from there, and coming to his hometown he taught them in their synagogue, so that they were astonished, and said, ‘Where did this man get this wisdom and these mighty works? Is not this the carpenter’s son? Is not his mother Mary? And are not his brothers James and Joseph and Simon and Judas? And are not all his sisters with us? Where then did this man get all these things?’ And they took offense at him.”

We so desire our family to be our cheerleaders, but that doesn’t always happen. Because they have seen us at our worse, relatives may think they know what is best for us now and in the future.

When we have codependent tendencies, we have want everyone to encourage us in our dreams and God’s will for our lives. This can cause us to have unrealistic expectations. The truth is, most of the time, people don’t even know God’s dreams for their own life, let alone anyone else’s.

When we know we are doing God’s will, we should learn to be content with the applause of God, rather than men. “For am I now seeking the favor of men, or of God?” Galatians 1:10 AMP

Years ago, I brought my Dad to our new house; a modest place, 1300 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 1 ½ baths. Pointing to the dining room, I said, “Someday, I’d like to move this wall and add a family room.” He looked at me with disdain and said, “How much do you want? When will you be satisfied?”

I was crushed. Immediately, I felt like I didn’t deserve what I had, let alone planning for more. Being codependent with my Dad, I couldn’t see the comment as it really was. The most common sense explanation is that jealousy and contempt ruled his heart. Because I wanted my Dad’s love and support so much and I wanted to think well of him; when he rejected me, I figured it must be my fault.

Jesus didn’t do that. He knew who He was and He knew His purpose on earth. Teaching about the kingdom of God and preparing to die for the sins of mankind was His purpose. Those who watched Him grow up did not understand that. Jesus knew this.

Again, following Jesus’ example, we should strive to be confident when we are doing God’s will, no matter what anyone says. Notice Jesus didn’t make any remarks to those that would not accept His ministry. “For this is the will of God, that by doing good you should put to silence the ignorance of people.” 1 Peter 2:15 AMP. He only used it as a teaching opportunity for his disciples when He said, “A prophet is not without honor except in his hometown and in his household.” V. 57.

There it is, friends! This is the last post in the three-part series Five Ways Jesus Showed He Was Not a People Pleaser. I pray that you can relate to some of Jesus’ experiences and his wise responses so you can learn not to be a people pleaser, but to be confident in doing God’s will for your life.