In our desperate quest for love and attention, we may say yes to people and things we shouldn’t. We hate to disappoint people so we make that the priority over what we really need or want in our lives.
But the truth is we just can’t say yes to everyone. It leads to burnout and we leave very little time for what really matters to us. We may also be getting in God’s way concerning someone else.
“For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” Ephesians 2:10 (ESV).
How do you know if you are saying yes too much? Ask yourself these questions:
I. Am I running my schedule or is my schedule running me?
If you don’t have time for the people and things you really love or you can only give them time when you’re exhausted, you have probably over packed your schedule.
II. Do I feel resentful when it’s time to fulfill certain obligations I have signed up for?
If so, you are wasting valuable time that you could use to explore your true God given talents. We should be excited about doing things, and not dread them, even if they involve hard work.
III. Have I built in to my schedule margin for rest or unexpected interruptions?
If your child spills the milk and you flip out in distress, you are too scheduled. If you get lost on your way to a new restaurant and you have a panic attack, you are too scheduled. Margin is that beautiful space that allows you to take a nap, call a friend or read another chapter in that book you’re enjoying.
If you now find that you have taken on too much, you need a way to bow out. You also need a way to refuse when first asked.
Try these:
- I have enjoyed helping, but my schedule no longer allows for me to continue with this.
- I have been reevaluating my priorities and I’ve concluded that I need to make time for some other projects; therefore, my last day volunteering will be July 30th.
- An opportunity has come up that I cannot pass up, therefore I will no longer be available for this.
- I’m sorry to disappoint you, but I’ve decided not to volunteer this year for the fund raiser.
- That’s not really feasible for me.
- I really don’t feel comfortable doing that.
- I’m really not in a position to do that.
- I’m sorry, no.
Write these down or design your own to suit your situation. Memorize them so they are handy when needed.
Don’t say “maybe at another time”, because that is just inviting them to ask you again later, and probably sooner than you think.
Don’t expose details of your life. That will be just begging for an argument. “Well, can’t you do your thing later?” or “Why can’t you fit this in for me?” or “How is that more important than what I want you to do?”
If you’re not sure if you are interested in the opportunity, give yourself time to decide. Ask for 24 hours and pray about it. Imagine your life doing it and then your life not doing it. In which scenario do you feel the most peace and fulfillment? Where would God be most pleased? You will have your answer.
James says in chapter 1 verse 5 (ESV), “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.”
God gave us our talents, abilities, gifts and holy interests. He knows our responsibilities and our energy levels. If we let Him guide our decisions and our schedules, we will be so much happier.
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