Do you sometimes feel like you can’t handle it all?  It happens to me whenever I take on too many responsibilities.  Subsequently, I begin to resent others as if they put the heavy burdens on my shoulders.  People may have expectations, but no one is forcing me to do anything.  I have choices.

In The Message Bible, Psalm 127, verse 2 says, “It is useless to rise up early and go to bed late, and work your worried fingers to the bone.  Don’t you know He enjoys giving rest to those He loves?”  So let’s not think if we are always busy, we are just doing what has to be done.  That kind of perception robs us of the joy God wants us to have!

I remember learning that lesson while attending a wonderful little Lake Worth, Florida church in the early ‘90’s.  My family and I enjoyed being active there.  So when the elder board asked me to be on their Ladies Guild, I gladly accepted the honor.  Our job was to help families assimilate into the church and grow in their faith.  This open ended assignment gave us a lot of room to develop ideas; but as with most committees, a lot of time was wasted on pointless matters. 

God must have put at least a sliver of leadership in me because I felt it was my job to get the ladies back on track.  Let’s get something important discussed, make a decision, set goals, assign objectives, and then move on to the next issue.  For the most part, I thought we were doing good work like organizing a fellowship dinner, planning an outreach to feed the hungry in our community, starting a ladies Bible study and arranging free babysitting for a single mother.

Although I was exhausted most of the time, I really thought I was doing God’s will.  It turns out it was probably God’s will for somebody else.  Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest…. For my yoke is easy to bear and the burden I give you is light.”  Matthew 11:28, 30 NLT.  I looked around that group and knew these ladies had a heart for serving God, but I wondered if they felt overwhelmed like I did.

One day, as I was feeling particularly frustrated with my to-do list, I decided to write all my obligations down.  I was amazed that I had written down 22 different things!  Included in that list were wife, mother, daughter, friend, housekeeper, cook, home-school teacher, church member, ladies’ guild member, choir member, meals committee member and many other things. 

As I prayed over each one, I realized some of them I was not very good at, some of them I didn’t enjoy doing and some of them, I was doing just because I wanted to please someone.  Alas, another symptom of codependency which I wasn’t aware of at the time.

Obviously some of the items I knew were the will of God for me, such as being a good wife and mother.  That was easy.  When I prayed to get a sense of what else God really wanted me to do, it became clear that God had gifted me in certain areas.  Whenever I put effort into those areas, I felt fulfilled even if the results were not apparent.  Bingo!  I had my answers.

Moses had to figure this out, too.  He was trying to be the sole court judge for the people of Israel.  When his father-in-law saw he was heading for burn out, he gave him some advice.   In Exodus 18:17-18, 21-24, he said, “…What you are doing is not good.  You and the people with you will certainly wear yourselves out, for the thing is too heavy for you.  You are not able to do it alone…Moreover, look for able men from all the people, men who fear God, who are trustworthy and hate a bribe, and place such men over the people as chiefs of thousands, of hundreds, of fifties, and of tens.  And let them judge the people at all times.  If you do this, God will direct you, you will be able to endure, and all this people also will go to their place in peace.  Moses listened to the voice of his father-in-law and did all that he had said.”  ESV

After more prayer, I felt God was telling me to bow out of those things I was doing out of self-imposed duty or purely to please someone other than Him!  Thankfully, I recognized that at the top of my keeper list were my relationships: wife, mother, daughter, friend.  And of course, on top of that list was God.  I asked myself if my activities were bringing me closer to God or further away?

At the next meeting, I told the Ladies Guild members what I had experienced.  I said that I felt God was telling me he hadn’t asked me to take on all these responsibilities.  I had taken them on myself!  Perhaps I didn’t want to disappoint the elders or someone else, but it was still all my decision. 

I asked the ladies if they would be interested in taking an inventory of their own lives.  They agreed and were also shocked to realize that they had taken on so much.  How could they possibly do it all well?   

Later, one friend told me she immediately let go of unimportant tasks and felt so much better.  She thanked me for bringing that revelation to the group.

I really believe that everyone, especially women, should reevaluate their obligations every year.  Better yet, bring every opportunity before the Lord in prayer before committing.  Now I am happy to say my list consists of only a handful of the most important things:  Christian, wife, mother, friend, writer, support group facilitator.  Now I have built margin into my life for reflection, fun, relaxation and divine interruptions.  “The thief’s [Satan’s] purpose is to steal and kill and destroy.  My [Jesus’] purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.”  John 10:10 NLT.

What about you?  Are you making time for what is really important or are you wasting your energy trying to live up to someone else’s expectations?  They will most likely never be satisfied anyway.  We don’t have to please anyone but God and He is a kind Master. 

.