We all want to be loved and appreciated. But what are we pursuing to fill that need? Things like money, houses, careers, prestige, security, status, toys, sex, drugs and any other thing you can imagine will only satisfy for a short time. Soon we will feel empty again and be in a desperate search to fill that void with something.
We pursue the wrong things only to be disappointed. “The sorrows of those who run after another god shall multiply.” Psalm 16:4a ESV. That hole in our souls can only be filled by God. Anything else, the Lord says is idolatry. “Put to death therefore what is earthly within you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.” Colossians 3:5 ESV. Anything that we want more than God is idolatry.
He pursues us, but he is a gentleman and will never force his way in. “Behold I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in and dine with him, and be with him, and he with Me.” Revelation 3:20 NKJV.
We have to be willing to open the door and let Jesus in our hearts. Then we will experience that only God can satisfy our souls!
In codependency, we try to fill that hole with other people we believe should love us. If that love is withdrawn based on our performance, we learn that we must please at all costs, rather than risk being rejected. But only God can love us the way we need to be loved. “Give thanks to the God of heaven, for his steadfast love endures forever.” Psalm 136:26 ESV.
Once we desperately crave love from a person, we are no longer living to please God, but to please him or her. When someone is addicted to a substance, they will do anything to satisfy that need. We understand the destruction that wields to the person and their relationships. But when we put any relationship above our relationship with God, we have made them an idol the same as the drug addict.
How do we know if we have idols (codependent relationships) in our lives?
If we struggle with codependency, we tend to idolize certain people: usually our spouse, significant other, children, siblings or parents.
We may not think we are idolizing them, but if we ask ourselves these questions, we may find that we are:
1. Who do you mostly think about?
2. Who do you mostly talk about?
3. Who do you mostly worry about?
There’s your idol. If they occupy your mind most of the time, they are an idol.
Moreover, do you allow this person to have a major influence on how you feel about yourself? Do they have total control of your self-esteem?
Do you neglect important aspects of your life in order to focus on the desires of this person?
If so, you are giving them too much control over your life and they have become an idol.
God wants to be our number one and for good reason. He made us and therefore knows us better than anyone, even more than we know ourselves. And He loves us and only wants what’s best for us. Psalm 37:4 ESV says, “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.”
I remember when I had a growing family and was trying to have a close relationship with my Dad. He never called me; I had to call him. It was that generation where respect was typically one-sided. I would call him every couple of weeks (any more often would have been seen as needy or bothersome) and asked if we (my family with his grandchildren) could come and visit him. Sometimes he would say no, not a good time and I would be so disappointed, but I would act fine with it and say okay, maybe another time.
Then after a couple of weeks, I would get my courage up to call him again (because if I didn’t I would be the one who was neglecting him) to say we’d like to visit him this weekend and if he said okay, he would usually want us to come as soon as possible. I would say, sure, then hang up the phone and start running around gathering the kids AND my husband and say we have to go visit my Dad RIGHT NOW!
My poor husband would say, what is going on? Why right now? I would be frantic saying because he will see us now. And my husband could see my desperation and go along with me. God knows I needed the support. And we would stay at Dad’s house until he gave the cue it was time for us to leave. It didn’t matter what else was going on in our lives; I would never be the one to say we had to leave. I would wait for him to say, “Well, I guess you better get going.” And off we’d go immediately saying our goodbyes.
Sadly, it was never all that satisfying a visit. All the time, I’m trying to be close to him and all the time, he’s trying to stay aloof. I came to realize that it was probably so he could continue his freestyle gambling and womanizing life without any judgement or interference from me.
Dad once told me not to expect him to come to my children’s birthday parties. His grandchildren. You know what I said? “Oh, okay, that’s fine.” Fine? That was not fine! I didn’t know then, but I had made my Dad into an idol. Whatever he wanted was “fine”. Whatever I or my husband or children needed or wanted didn’t matter. In fact, whatever God wanted didn’t matter either. I didn’t even know what God would have wanted because I never asked Him or looked to His Word for guidance in that situation.
That’s what making an idol does. It displaces God out of the premium position he deserves in our lives. It is seeking security and meaning in someone (or something) other than God. And our Father in heaven loves us too much to leave us there. He will never allow us to be fulfilled by anyone except Himself. He is a jealous God. (Exodus 20:5) When God says he is jealous, it’s not like you or I being jealous of what someone else has. God becomes jealous when we give to someone else what rightfully belongs to Him.
The person you thought was necessary for happiness becomes a burden and a crushing disappointment. They leave us broken.
“For My people have done two evil things: They have abandoned Me – the fountain of living water. And they have dug for themselves cracked cisterns that can hold no water at all!” Jeremiah 2:13 NLT
Christ reigns supreme and until we accept that, we will be constantly looking for things that will never satisfy. God gives us the command against idols for our good.
He is going to lovingly show us that no one can complete us except Him.
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